If u are easily offended, please don't continue reading. Viewer discretion is strongly advised.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Soal Jawab Guru dan Sin Chan...

Guru : Kenapa awak lambat?
Sin Chan: Kerana sebuah papan tanda.
Guru: Papan tanda mana ?
Sin Chan: Yang ada tulisan, "Sekolah di hadapan, jalan pelahan."

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-

Guru: Sin Chan, Macam mana awak eja perkataan "BUAYA"?
Sin Chan: "B-O-O-W-A-Y- A"
Guru: Bukan, Salah tu. Sin Chan: Mungkin itu salah , tapi Cikgu tanya saya macam mana saya mengeja nya, itu lah yang saya eja !

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*
Guru: Apakah formula untuk air?
Sin Chan: "HIJKLMNO"!!
Guru: Apa yang awak cakap tu?
Sin Chan: Kan kelmarin Cikgu kata H to O!

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*

Guru: Sin Chan, Pergi ke Peta Dunia tu, cari dan tunjuk mana Amerika Utara.
Sin Chan: Di sini Cikgu, Sin Chan menunjukkan tepat kat Peta dunia yang tergantung kat hadapan kelas!
Guru: Betul. Sekarang, Kelas, Beritahu saya siapa yang jumpa Amerika Utara?
Kelas: Sin Chan Cikgu!

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-

Guru: Sin Chan, beritahu satu perkara penting yang kita tak ada 10 tahun dulu.
Sin Chan: Saya Cikgu!

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*

Guru: Bagaimana kita boleh mengelak penyakit yang di sebabkan oleh gigitan serangga?
Sin Chan: Jangan kena gigitserangga.

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -**-*-*-* -*

Guru: Sin Chan, aneh sungguh stokin yang awak pakai ni, satu warna hijau berbintik hitam dan satu lagi berwarna merah berbintik biru. !
Sin Chan: Ya betul Cikgu, memang nampak aneh, saya pun hairan kerana terdapat sepasang lagi dengan warna yang sama kat rumah .

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*

Guru: Sin Chan, Karangan awak "Anjing saya" adalah sama seperti yang di karang oleh Adik awak. Adakah awak meniru kerja dia?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu , ia hanya lah anjing yang sama!

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *


Saturday, November 29, 2008

the Y generation

Hmm, I've always wondered this myself.
Now I know.

- The Silent generation, people born before 1946.

- The Baby Boomers, people born between 1946 and 1959.

- Generation X, people born between 1960 and 1979.

- Generation Y, people born between 1980 and 1995.

Why do we call the last one generation Y?
I did not know, but a caricaturist explains it eloquently below...


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

17 Stupid Q, Smart A

1) BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

2) GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

3) GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

4) GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

5) BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

6) SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

7) MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

8) WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

9) MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

10) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

11) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

12) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

13) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

14) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

15) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

16) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

17) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Letting Go

Though breaking up is depressing, your life's far from over. It's important to see the end of a relationship as the beginning of a new chapter in your life. How to let go and move on with your life?

1. Be Nice To Yourself
Breakups happen to the best of us. Actually, they're a normal part of being a teenager. It's important to cut yourself some slack when you're feeling vulnerable and rejected. Let yourself mourn the loss, and remember that you don't have to be perfect all of the time—or any of the time. Nobody is!

2. Accept Your Single Status
Getting over your ex is virtually impossible if you're fantasizing about getting back together. It's important to learn how to be happy as a single person before you start to date again. Being single gives you the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Switch off your cell phone at the time your ex used to call. Perform a cleansing ritual, such as throwing away her yearbook photo or deleting his mushy e-mails. You'll be amazed how much better you'll feel.

3. Recognize and Release Your Feelings
Breakups can cause a range of unpleasant feelings, from deep sadness to intense anger. It's important to identify what you're feeling, acknowledge that it hurts, then let it go. If you're struggling with the "letting go" part, try writing what you feel on a piece of paper, then ripping it up. When you're feeling really awful, taking a nap or going for a walk can help ease the pain and break the cycle of negative thoughts. In general, try to get your demons out in a constructive way, such as sports, music, art or journaling. It's also OK to cry, scream and complain about how bad you feel. Find a secluded place to get out the nastiest feelings, then seek out friends and family to lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

4. Remember Your Ex's Flaws
It's easy to get teary-eyed thinking about his adorable brown eyes or her cute way of answering the phone. But what about your ex's not-so-great qualities? Remind yourself just how annoying, boring or insensitive your ex could be, and you'll be on your way to recovery.

5. Resist the Urge To Contact Him or Her
One of the worst parts of a breakup is the loneliness. Use all the willpower you've got to resist calling your ex when you're feeling lonely and sad. Though your ex may have been a source of comfort in the past, calling him or her for an ego boost will only make it harder for you move on. Look for new sources of support among friends, family members, counselors and online support groups.

6. Get a New Hobby
Without a boyfriend or girlfriend to entertain, you have a lot of freedom to try new things. Indulge yourself in some activities that didn't interest your ex, whether it's hockey, ballet or bird watching. Take a photography class, start writing poetry or join a club that interests you. You'll meet new people and feel good about yourself, which will attract both friends and admirers.

7. Don't Obsess About What Went Wrong
Many breakups don't have a specific cause. They tend to happen when two people have been growing apart for a while. This isn't to say you shouldn't reflect on what you could have done differently in the relationship, but it's not helpful to dwell on the whys and wherefores.

Instead of focusing on the past, live in the moment and begin to dream about the future. You'll find a boyfriend or girlfriend who's at least as great as the last one—and perhaps a better match. Who knows? That special someone could be right around the corner.


Saturday, November 15, 2008

worries no more

How to keep your worries at bay ?

Step 1: Never worry alone. Talk to someone about your problems to help you put your problems in proper perspective.

Step 2: Find out if your worry has any basis. Write down what is worrying you, it will help you isolate and identify the problem.

Step3: Take action. Don't waste your time or energy on worrying. Try to confront and resolve your problems. Avoiding difficulties creates more stress in the long run.

Step 4: Take care of your body - exercise daily, eat healthy food and get enough sleep, because exercising will help relax your muscles. Taking care of your body physically will not only reduce tension, but also gives more energy to deal with the problem.

Step 5: Live for the moment - don't worry about what will happen in the future and what happened in the past. Focus instead on the present.

step 6: Be positive - always focus on the positive side of things instead of brooding on negative thoughts. Develop a sense of humor.

Step 7: Set aside a worry period of about 30 minutes to think about your problems, arrive at solutions and ease your tensions.

Step 8: Plenty of action is a cure for worry. Keeping yourself busy eliminates negative thoughts from your mind.

Step 9: Avoid self - medication - do not resort to taking unnecessary drugs or alcohol. Take professional help, if needed.

Step 10: Finally, count your blessings: whenever your worries make you feel low, think of the blessings. You will start to feel better.


Friday, November 14, 2008

Love Quotes

Love quote #1 - If you want to hate somebody, leave 1% of your heart for love because who knows, the one you hate may someday be the one you will love the most.If you want to love somebody, leave 1% of your heart for hate because who knows, the one you love may someday be the one you will hate the most.

Love quote #2 - Love ! deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.

Dilemma aren't they? Both are true to some extent. And that they are most perfect when complementing each other. Personally, which would you choose and believe ?


Unrequited Love?

Sometimes the person you're in love with doesn't love you back. Unrequited love is painful: It can even feel like torture.

Then, hows to deal with it?

- Limit the amount of time you spend with the person who doesn't love you. If you can, don't see them for a while.

- Come to terms with the fact that they don't share your romantic feelings. You need to accept that it's just not meant to be so you can move on with your life.

- Try writing a mantra such as "It's time to move on" on a slip of paper and placing it in your jacket pocket. Every time you reach into the pocket, pull out the slip of paper, recite the words in your mind, and put it back into the pocket. This will help reinforce your commitment to getting on with the rest of your life.

- Stay busy. Take up a new hobby such as painting, skateboarding or playing the drums. Join a sports team or work your frustrations out through exercise. It doesn't matter whether it's running, swimming or squash: Find something you like and commit yourself to it. Both your body and your heart will feel better.

- Surround yourself with those who do love you. This could be your parents, grandparents, siblings, other friends or even pets. Don't be afraid to ask them for a little bit of extra moral support.

- Hang around with friends who make you laugh. Chances are, at least one of your friends is brilliant at getting your mind off of the person who's causing you pain. Let them help you not take life too seriously.

- Take some time each day to focus on a few of your good qualities. Remind yourself that you're a great person even if someone out there doesn't like you in a romantic way. Think about what other qualities you'd like to have -- more confidence, better taste in music, better dance skills, etc. -- and set some goals about attaining them.

- Remind yourself that it would not be any fun to be with someone who didn't feel as strongly about you as you did about them. Think about what love should like and notice how equality plays a big part. You deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated!

- Remember another emotionally difficult situation you've been through and how you got through it. Adopt some of the strategies you used in that situation to help you heal from this heartbreak.

- Take a little time to nurture yourself, whether it's with a good few good books or movies, some extra time with friends or simply getting a bit more sleep.

- When you're ready, start hanging out with other people you'd consider dating. Give yourself the chance to fall in love again and you undoubtedly will.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

u should, but sometimes u shouldn't

1. Be Yourself But not if... You are a non-conformist

2. Be Loyal But not if... It's to someone (or something) that is illegal

3. Be Courageous But not if... You ENDANGER yourself

4. Be Humble But not if... Opportunity presents itself

5. Be Charitable But not if... You are a case for charity yourself

6. Be Selfless But not if... It's going to hurt more than help

7. Be Ambitious but not if... You lose more than you gain

8. Get Married But not if... You are unhappy

so, u should or u shouldn't ??


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

5 Rules For Happiness

1) Look forward hopefully.

2) Try to like people. If you want to be happy with people, you have to try see something you can like in those you meet, or at least something to respect and admire.

3) Watch these moods. Try to be the same, no matter how you feel inside. Don?t let yourself be on top of the world and hail-fellow-well-met one day, and so grumpy the next that it is too much effort to raise a smile.

4) Give other people a chance. Show that you are interested in others, not just interested in yourself. Encourage people to think that they matter by listening to what they have to say.

Be considerate and thoughtful. Remember birthdays, anniversaries, and special occasions, and be as generous as you can afford to be. Like our flowers, love, affection, and friendship have to be nourished by giving as well as taking.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

How To Say NO ?

Saying yes and then regretting it is the habit of a life time for many people and it leads to unhappiness and stress at work. In some work situations it could be damaging to your self-worth or even very dangerous to say 'yes'. Sometimes you will need to say no in order to:

- protect yourself from physical or mental harm
- stop racism, sexual harassment, anti-lesbian and gay or disabled behaviour or treatment

In any difficult or dangerous situation get proper advice (e.g. from a union rep or CAB). In general though it's useful to learn to say no where appropriate in the workplace. Here are a few steps which may help:

- practice saying no at home, in front of the mirror, with friends so you get used to the word 'no'
-try saying no politely to everything you're asked to do by friends before deciding whether you actually want to do it or not - you can always change your mind and say yes later if you want to.

- be clear about what is being asked of you
- make sure you understand what you are being asked to do - ask questions and get all the information you need to make an informed decision such as:
exactly what work the job involves
what help and support you'll get

- take the time you need to decide, if necessary delay giving an answer by saying you're busy now but will say tomorrow or need to sleep on it. Do not be bulldozed or bullied into an immediate decision if you're not sure or haven't time to think your response through.
Gut reactions
Take your gut reaction into consideration. Did your stomach churn or your heart sink when you were asked or told what to do? If so you don't want to do whatever it is and you're probably right.

Work out a short but not completely blunt way of saying no clearly and in a way that you take responsibility for. Useful examples include:
'My answer is no'
'No, I'm not able to do that'
'No that's not a priority for me
' I'm very busy right now'

In some situations it's appropriate to give a reason, such as when you're saying no to something that isn't in your job contract or if you're already overloaded and simply can't take on more work. But you don't have to explain yourself in every situation. If the decision is personal or you see no point in giving your reasons because they won't be listened to, then don't bother justifying yourself.

Some people think you should only say sorry when you really mean it and that polite or disingenous apologies should be avoided at all times. But others believe that saying sorry even when you don't really mean it is find if it helps you say no and assert yourself in your own way.

You may wish to suggest that you would able to do it another time or offer to take on a different task in the future. But be beware of just fobbing people so they come back with unwanted demands in the future or of passing the buck if you say 'why not ask so and so'.

You may need to keep repeating no and whatever else you choose to say with this unfamiliar word until you get through to the other person. Or you show the other person that you've listened to each of their various tacks for trying to persuade you by summarising back to them what they've just said and saying your 'no' at the end of each one.


Saturday, November 8, 2008

Microsoft Word Helpline

Ini adalah sebuah kisah benar mengenai Microsoft Word Helpline (bantuan berkenaan Microsoft Word melalui telefon). Seorang pekerja di helpline ini telah diberhentikan. Walaubagaimanapun, pekerja ini telah menyaman Word Perfect atas dakwaan “Memecat tanpa Sebab”. Inilah perbualan telefon pekerja berkenaan yang menyebabkan beliau dipecat:
Microsoft: Ridge Hall computer assistance; boleh saya bantu anda?
User: Ya, err, Saya ada masalah dengan Microsoft Word.
Microsoft: Masalah bagaimana tu encik?
User: Saya sedang menaip, tiba-tiba semua perkataan tersebut hilang.”
Microsoft: Hilang?
User: Ya, ia hilang.
Microsoft: Hmm. Macam mana monitor anda kelihatan sekarang?
User: Kosong, tak ada apa-apa.
Microsoft: Tak ada apa-apa?
User: Blank, ia tak respon apa-apa bila saya menaip.
Microsoft: Adakah anda masih didalam Microsoft Word, atau anda telah keluar?
User: Macam mana saya nak tau?”
Microsoft: Bolehkah anda nampak C: prompt pada skrin anda?
User: Apa tu si-perom?
Microsoft: Tak apalah, boleh tak anda gerak-gerakkan mouse anda di skrin?
User: Cursor pun tak ada: kan saya dah kata ianya tak memberi sebarang respon bila saya taip.
Microsoft: Adakah monitor anda ada power indicator?
User: Monitor tu apa?
Microsoft: Ianya adalah sebuah alat yang ada skrin padanya dan ianya berbentuk seperti TV. Adakah ianya mempunyai lampu kecil yang menyala bila monitor anda dihidupkan?
User: Saya tak tahu.
Microsoft: OK, kalau begitu cuba lihat di belakang monitor anda dan cuba cari socket dimana wayar power anda di pasangkan. Boleh nampak tak?
User: Rasa-rasanya.
Microsoft: Bagus. Ikut wayar tersebut hingga ke plug, dan adakah ianya dipasangkan pada soket elektrik di dinding anda.
User: Yaa, terpasang.
Microsoft: Masa anda lihat di belakang monitor tadi, perasankah anda ada dua wayar terpasang di belakang monitor anda, bukannya satu?
User: Iya ke?.
Microsoft: Sebenarnya ada dua. Sekarang saya nak anda pergi balik ke belakang monitor anda dan cari satu lagi wayar tersebut.
User: Okay, jumpa dah.
Microsoft: Cuba ikut wayar tersebut dan beritahu saya samada ianya terpasang dengan ketat di belakang computer anda.
User: Alamak tak sampai laa.
Microsoft: Ok… boleh cuba jenguk-jenguk samada ianya terpasang atau tidak?
User: Tak boleh.
Microsoft: Tak boleh juga ke jika anda cuba panjat apa-apa seperti kerusi dan tengok kat belakang tu?
User: Oh, saya tak nampak bukannya sebab angle tak betul, tapi pasal gelap.
Microsoft: Gelap?
User: Ya. Lampu pejabat ni terpadam dan satu-satunya sumber cahaya yang saya ada adalah dari cahaya tingkap.
Microsoft: OK, kalau macam tu hidupkanlah lampu pejabat anda.
User: Tak boleh.
Microsoft: Tak boleh? Kenapa?
User: Sebab kat pejabat saya “blackout”, tak ada elektrik.
Microsoft: Blackout… tak ada elektrik? Aha, Okay, kita dah dapat penyelesaiannya sekarang. Anda masih mempunyai kotak, manual dan barang-barang pembungkusan semasa komputer ini dihantar?
User: Ada… saya simpan kat dalam almari.
Microsoft: Bagus. pergi ambil barang-barang tersebut dan unplug komputer anda. Kemudian bungkuskan sepertimana masa ianya baru-baru sampai dulu. Hantar balik ke kedai dimana anda beli dulu.
User: Ehh? Ye ke? Macam tu sekali punya teruk ke?
Microsoft: Iya, rasa-rasanya macam itulah.
User: Err… okey lah. Nampaknya saya kena buat macam tu lah. Tapi nak cakap apa dengan pekedai tu?
Microsoft: Beritahu mereka anda terlalu BANGANG untuk memiliki sebuah komputer.



Thursday, November 6, 2008

How to forget him/her??

1. Forget their names
2. Forget their faces
3. Forget the love that you once knew
4. Remember they have someone new
5. Remember all the harsh things they say when you broke up
6. Forget them when they played your song
7. Remember that you cried all night long
8. Forget how you memorize their walks
9. Forget the way they used to talk
10. Forget the things they used to say
11. Forget their laughs and smiles
12. Delete all their messages
13. Delete all their emails
14. Delete their ym/msn/skype
15. Delete their phone numbers
16. Delete their fs/myspace
17. Just hang around and have fun with your frens
18. Concentrate in study/work
19. Avoid listening to other people's love story
20. Mingle with new people
21. Just think about there's more people WAY better than them!
22. Throw away their gifts
23. Throw away the love notes/letters
24. Throw away their pictures
25. If they ever contacts you back, do not reply
26. Avoid them, if you're working/studying at the same place
27. Forget their birthdays/your anniversaries
28. Change your emails/phone numbers/address(if possible)
29. Go on a vacation

n i will
just a matter of time, b****!


Why Ladies Today Are Still Single??

-the nice men are ugly

-the handsome men are not nice

-the handsome and nice men are gay

-the handsome,nice and heterosexual men are married

-the men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money

-the men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money

-the handsome men without money are after our money

-the handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough

-the men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are cowards

-the men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice, and have money and thank God are heterosexual,are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!

-the men who never make the first move, automatically lost interest in us when we take the initiative

credit to adha